I pretty much having a bad day today!
So much for me to start my year..Since I wake up this more it was a complete chaos in my part..
Waking up so late? definitely not in the plan..
Waking up late mean It was late for me to use the computer and I was right, the internet has the worse speed.. so slow that I ended up burning dvds which also ended into a total failure..
just wasted 2 hrs burning it.. to hell with that...
Although I finish my daily activities that was still so out of plan..
I had plan a lot of things to start my year with a BANG! but in the end it was an EPIC Failure!
so much for expecting a nice day..
I am some what a superstitious kind of person..
I know that what you do in the first day of the year well follow all your activity through out the year!
Pretty much a let down I guess I might be fighting my stupid fate again through out the year..
Hopefully I might get enough courage this year to kill myself..
last year was what can I say A pretty normal year for a dead person like me..
Good thing there was a PC to get the day started..
Not much happen to me after all what can happen to a dead person..
Pretty much I am living a ghost life..
I wonder if something has change..
Might as well find that out soon..
I can't even think of a new year resolution!
I mean it so dumb thinking that every year is new, tell that to my useless self whose life never change for the past 10 yrs. no work for 3 yrs now! To hell why not just kill me instead!
Can't kill myself yet, I still have so many manga to read and anime to watch..
either way things ain't that good for my health..
I don't know when my body well gave up on me, and my eyes which I hope won't betray me soon.
Should I expect something to change in 2014? hell I do!
I just finish phase 1 last December in is starting phase 2 then 3 more to go!
For an epic loser like me doing something random is common but this time lets try something different!
I wonder if I well accomplish this but if not then at least I tried..
And I still need to save money for my own memorial service, i still need to buy my own coffin and a piece of land in the cemetery. So I can't be dying now right? Its a habit of mine to have my self a message through poems which remind me that there was once a Time that I manage to see myself every year..
To live for I need to Die
"why can't I end this foolish way of living
what kind of life that gave me this horrible feeling
I can laugh and smile and yet so empty deep inside
I am dead and yet I am alive
For I have kill myself a very long time
and yet failed to die at my own hands
How foolish for every year I am praying
That Life might find its way to all this suffering
To gave a reason to continue living
Even If death is nowhere to be seen
And yet I decide to wait
for the never ending cruelty of fate?
No god to be at my side..
after all a god for me is just humans pride..
No future for me to see..
after all they decide that I can never be free..
What is it that bind me from this suffering?
They who gave me what I need to live?
Myself who gave me reason to live?
Or someone who can convince me to continue living..
This Life I decided to make, for I need a nice place to rest..
but reality is cruel ..
I need to live for me to seek
the only place where I can finally be free.."
-Leafy
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